Friday, January 08, 2010

Death

Life really isn't like a box of chocolates. Because even if you get a gross filling, at least the outside was sweet. The outside was covered in chocolate, so there was that moment of "this might possibly turn out okay" before the cherry cough syrupy center implodes in your mouth. Life is often unsweet from bitter beginning to bitter end. Sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around all the pain and all the suffering of this world. I see so much of it, yet I'm sure it's still just a small taste.
Why do people blow their heads off? We try to laugh about it at work, and tell our families the 'best' way to shoot yourself, if you're going to do it. But it's not funny. There is no 'best' way. It's just horrible. It's horrible for your soul, it's horrible for the people you leave behind, it's horrible for the people who take care of you until the final, inevitable end.
I didn't even know you, but I knew your family for a brief moment. I felt their sorrow, I felt their anger, I felt their resignation, I felt their despair, I felt their panic. And I watched you die. And now what's left? A hollow empty shell, I zip into a white bag. It's never like the movies, where the body is white and the mouth is closed. Your mouth hangs slack jawed, your skin yellowed. Your wife wants your mouth closed, but I can't even do that for her. Death has truly taken everything. Oh Death, where is your victory, where is your sting? It is here. Right here with a hopeless family, at the bitter end.

4 comments:

Jane said...

Oh my dear girl, you do see such hopelessness and waste in your job. I understand your feelings deeply. It is hard to look away from the bitterness and despair of death and dying.

Thanks be to God that Jesus Christ has set us free from this horrible sting of death.
We have hope because of Him........sing it!

I love you!
Mom

Connie said...

oh my lovely cousin, i am overwhelmed with your post. Oh how ugly death is.
It will not last forever, praise him.


Praising God he has saved us from hopelessness.
I love you,
Connie

Lynn said...

Wow, Julia... I read this to my family just now. I'm sorry for the suffering you go through, but am glad that you, who have the Light, are at least there with those who are suffering so unspeakably. May God's grace be upon you in your very difficult work.

Lynn

Christina said...

Julia, all these things have been on my mind lately after hearing about a suicide.

>> Sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around all the pain and all the suffering of this world. I see so much of it, yet I'm sure it's still just a small taste. << I feel exactly the same.

I keep asking the Lord to let me be a light because the darkness is SO great. But you know the light really IS greater.