Sunday, November 18, 2012

Arachnophobia

       Spiders love me.  The feeling is most definitely not mutual.  In my old apartment, I didn't see them too much.  That's because they knew they would feel the wrath of "Julia the Spider-Killer!"  Okay, I need a better super-hero name.  But that is my super power, killing spiders.  Unless they're really big and hairy and my husband is home.  Then he gets to be my sidekick and kill them for me.  Hey, even sidekicks need the spotlight every now and then. 
   The worst experience ever of spider interaction was when I was waiting at the bus stop. I leaned my head against the bus stop shelter trying to catch a few more winks. Then, as I was boarding the bus I felt something wispy brushing my forehead. I thought it was a stray hair or my bangs and kinda brushed at it and the feeling went away. Then as I took my seat, in true horror movie style, I felt something crawling down the side of my face and down my neck. I looked down and there was a giant spider. Big and black and leggy and spidery. I had one of two options: 1) jump around in the bus screaming wildly saying "getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!" or 2) calmly brush the spider to the floor and stomp on it with my slayer skills. I went with option two because I wasn't interested in a trip to a mental institution that morning.
      However, spiders have yet to receive the message here in my new home that I am the ultimate spider slayer.  The day after we returned from our honeymoon a spider greeted me in the bathtub.  Hiya!  Dead, instantly.  Then I found one on the kitchen ceiling.  Ninja stealth chop!  It met it's demise. But wait, there's more!  My husband and I were reading before bed when movement caught my eye.  Another spider!  Crawling across my lap atop our bedspread.  I shouted "don't move!" to my husband who immediately jumped out of bed squealing like a little girl and I almost lost the spider.  But thanks to my spider killing instincts and years of intensive training with monks in a mountainous region far from civilization, I was able to keep tabs on it while I maneuvered it onto paper and then squished it in my mighty fist of justice!  So, if you ever find yourself in need of a spider killed, just call my name, I'll hear you.  And then I'll give you the number of the exterminator man.  Because just one super hero can't kill them all.

1 comment:

Brittany Meister said...

I'll be sure to call you if I ever have a particularly tricky menace.